


Dysphoria

by Alcor_the_Dreambender



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comfort, Gore and self harm, M/M, Potentially triggering, them comfort davekats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 19:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11812542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcor_the_Dreambender/pseuds/Alcor_the_Dreambender
Summary: Dave Strider never liked showers. In fact, he despised them. But, for a completely different reason that normal people. He hated being dirty, but he couldn't ever look at himself, because of what he did to his body.





	Dysphoria

He curled up in the shower, fully clothed as he washes away the tears. The water has long since lost the heat it once had, now an icy cold. Dave shuddered. Knife carvings of DAVE and BOY and SON, BRO, TRANS... GAY... it all littered his skin and burned from the water but he didn't care at this point. It felt like hell, but it was better than feeling nothing at all. 

Karkat ran into the house in a panic. Something felt very off to him. When he last talked to Dave he seemed upset, sad, lost almost....maybe even trapped. That worried the small troll enough to bring him to Dave's. ''STRIDER?" He called urgently as he banged on the bathroom door.

Dave jumped, eyes flicking up to the door. "g-go away!" He called, heart racing. Shit. It was Karkat. Good job. Fucking. Argh. 

"Dave it's me! Please let me in I'm worried about you!" Karkat was trying to calm himself down a bit. He can't necessarily calm down the other male if he himself were having a panic attack. "Dave please..."

"G-Go away." His voice was softer, and shaky, and fuck he hated showers. He hated when he had to force himself to wash his body because he couldn't face what he did to himself. 

Karkat had tears streaming down his face. "Dave I want to help...." 

He shook his head, screaming, "Y-You open this door and I'll hate you forever!!!"

He hated to admit it but he understood how Dave felt, not to the same extent, but he understood. ''Maybe I'll take that risk!" He was audibly crying now. 

"Do! Not! Come in here! You piece of fuck, leave me alone!!!" His voice cracked and he curled tighter against himself, because he sounded like a girl and he hated that. 

He held his left wrist in his hand trying to stop the stinging and throbbing. He felt horrible. "DAMN IT DAVE I KNOW WHAT YOU DID! Let me help you!"

"N-No you don't! YOU DONT KNOW ME! YOU THINK YOU DO BUT YOU DONT KNOW ME AT ALL!"

"YOU HURT YOURSELF! YOU CUT! DAMN IT, STRIDER, I KNOW! I DO THE SAME DAMN THING! PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU!" his voice was loud and pained. He winced knowing that would probably make it worse but he needed to get in there. "The waters cold isn't it....?" He slid down the door. "it hurts less than hot water....." He sniffled hugging his knees to his chest. ''please let me help you...."

"It's," he hiccuped, "it's s-so, so different.... I-I carve i-it into my skin... b-because I k-know who I am but it just isn't happening to me... Karkat, I-I'm a boy. I'm not a girl. B-But my body betrays me, and tells the world that I am female." He practically tore off his shirt to reveal a soaked through ace bandage and so many scars of the same words over and over, scarred into his pale skin. "Karkat, my b-body... it hates me. I try to change i-it, but I c-can't..."

"Dave you're you....you're Dave....you're a boy....you're a cute, funny, loveable dickhead. You're a great guy....an amazing friend. You're what you want to be. You are you! A handsome, loving, caring boy." He got up and turned the knob. "Can I please come in...?" 

"F-Fine," he muttered, wrapping his arms around his legs and tightening against himself because there is a high possibility that the ace bandage is going to come undone soon, and he really can't deal with that right now. 

Karkat opens the door and walks in looking at Dave with a frown. "First of all....can I please fix up your injuries?.....they're gonna get infected......second of all....if you need a real binder I can get you one....Kankri has one he never uses." He sat next to the tub. 

He nodded slowly, but didn't move. Fuck, the bandages were coming undone. Fresh tears prickled his eyes, and he hiccuped, tightening against himself. 

He sighs softly "this doesn't change anything....you're still you.... still Dave Strider...." He got up going through the medicine cabinet to find things to put on the injuries "still the guy I love...." He muttered to himself. 

"F-Far right," he mumbled, voice shaking. "R-Red bo-box."

He nodded, grabbing the box. "It's ok....you'll be ok." He opened the kit and looked at Dave "you need to dry off." The troll was shaking slightly flicking his wrist a few times. "Can you promise me something....?"

He hesitantly nodded, but still didn't move to turn off the water, or move at all. 

Karkat turned the water off and handed Dave a towel "promise that you'll try to stop...."

He nodded, not removing his hands from around his legs, and shuffled to be somehow even tighter against himself. 

He hummed softly, trying to calm the both of them down. 

He glanced at Karkat for a second, before taking a shaky breath in. "Kiss me," he mumbled, staring at his knees. 

He froze. ".....what...."

"Did you m-mishear me?" He didn't look up at Karkat still, still crying softly. "Kiss me."

"I heard you I just...." He trailed off and went over to Dave kissing him gently. 

He immediately kissed back, hands moving in a flash as he finally pulled his arms from his legs and moved to keep Karkat there. The ace bandage began to fall, and he stiffened, but didn't break away. 

He wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him passionately 

He melted against Karkat, realizing that they were quite literally making out in the shower, and pressed his palms against Karkat's shoulders. "I-I, uh, gotta fix..."

He blushed. "I'm sorry....I got carried away" he backed away. "you still have to dry off..."

He nodded. "S-Sure thing, karkles, j-just uh, gimme a sec. I *have* to fix this or I-I can't do a-anything."

He nods going back to the first aid kit "alright I have to find the stuff I need anyway" he pulled out antibacterial cream, gauze pads, band aids, and gauze tape. 

He fixed the ace bandage, hands shaky as they always were when he was forced to see that he wasn't male, like he wanted more than anything.


End file.
